Okay, Blue Origin landed their New Glenn booster. Big deal.

So They Didn't Blow It Up This Time...

Let's be real, does anyone actually care about Blue Origin anymore? They were supposed to be the other space company, the one giving SpaceX a run for its money. Instead, they're just... there. Existing. Like a space-themed museum nobody visits.

They launched some NASA probes to Mars, the ESCAPADE mission. Fine. Good for NASA, I guess. Apparently, these twin spacecraft, nicknamed Blue and Gold (how original), are gonna spend almost two years just getting to Mars to study its atmosphere. Two years? My phone updates faster than that. See Blue Origin launches huge rocket carrying twin NASA spacecraft to Mars.

And the booster landing? Sure, it's technically impressive. They stuck the landing on that floating platform "Jacklyn," named after Bezos' mom. Awww, how sweet. It only took them two tries, which, according to Blue Origin CEO Dave Limp, means "Never Tell Me The Odds had perfect odds."

Give me a break.

I mean, congrats on not exploding this time, but SpaceX has been landing boosters for years. They're practically boring now. We've seen it all before. It's like congratulating someone for finally learning how to tie their shoes at age 30.

Mars or Bust (Eventually)

The ESCAPADE mission itself sounds... underwhelming. Two small, low-budget satellites trying to figure out why Mars lost its atmosphere. Apparently Mars "was episodically warm and wet for a couple billion years, but hasn’t been so for about two billion years or so. And we think atmospheric escape is a major reason for that.”

No kidding.

So, what? We're spending $107.4 million (a "bargain," according to some) to confirm something we already pretty much knew? Are we really that desperate to figure out how to not turn Earth into a giant red rock?

And the timeline! They launched in November 2025, but the probes won't even reach Mars until September 2027. That's almost two years of loitering around Earth, doing gravity assists and...what? Tweeting selfies from space?

This whole mission feels like a participation trophy. "Good job, Blue Origin, you launched something! Here's a pat on the head and a small, insignificant mission to keep you busy."

Oh, and they're launching Amazon's Project Kuiper satellites too. You know, the ones that are gonna clutter up our night sky even more? Great. Just what we needed.

Is This Progress, or Just...More Stuff?

Blue Origin VP Jordan Charles said they're "opening a new era" with this launch. An era of what, exactly? More space junk? More delays? More underwhelming achievements?

I'm not trying to be a hater, but let's be real: Blue Origin is lagging way behind. They promised us space tourism, lunar landers, and a whole new era of space exploration. Instead, we got a slightly less-terrible rocket and a Mars mission that takes longer than it took Lewis and Clark to cross the continent.

Maybe I'm just jaded. Maybe I expect too much. But when you're backed by one of the richest people in the world, you should be doing more than just playing catch-up.

So, What's the Point of All This?

Honestly, it feels like Blue Origin is just going through the motions. They're launching rockets, landing boosters, and sending probes to Mars, but there's no real sense of urgency, no real vision. It's all just...stuff. More stuff in space. And frankly, I ain't impressed.